There Isn't Anything I Wouldn't Do For You

Even the little things
like the regrets i seal away from everyone,
sadly you too...
And the big things
like the screaming, echoing of voices angered at me,
of disgrace
of pain
of threat
even, of death...
To let you and even let myself be aware that
no matter how much it will weaken me inside,
even kill me too, that
i will do what i can to keep you pleased
to keep you from thinking bad of me
to keep you loving me the way i am in love with you
and to not have to see how unstable and broken i am inside,
though i have it well kept away,
you weaken me, but then make me stronger.
ill do everything and anything for you,
whether it pleases you, me, or not...

If Only You Knew...Right?

If you knew i was emotionally broken would you do your best to fix it?
If you knew why i was crying when you never knew i was, would you cheer me up?
If you knew all my smiles were fake would you make them real?
If you knew the reason I'm so emotionally weak is because of the people who lied to me, betrayed me and disrespected me, have also scarred me to not ever want history to repeat itself...
Would you be there to tell me everything will be okay and prove it?

Cloudy Minded

You make me feel
the way no one else has
to me before
i know,
i know,
corny as it is,
its so surreal in my own mind.
i still strive,
yern,
to understand the feeling of love,
because
those whom not you
well...
not the sunniest day it was...
tears of pouring rain,
aching sorrow thy thunder.
and i contain it within only of myself
the pain...
It's weird though
isn't it?
with you i am worry-free
but as my mind begins to wander
shame, dishonor, disgracefulness and disappointment
overfilled my heart's ability
to withstand
and as i break down
more and more,
again and again once more,
it only gets worse
and once then,
i fear my loss of you
to never be acquainted once ever again...

Have I Earned You Yet?

This...
it is so unreal,
you and I.
A spell you cast upon me ,
i never wanted to wake up from
such the dream,
without pain,
without suffering,
i didn't have to worry about my past...

but when i can't see you,
i breakdown
hurting more than i ever had,
so i try to avoid it,
with wrong...
i know so...
i regret every second of it
tears of guilt and unfaithfullness

i constantly question:
i have you now but why is it,
i do what i do?
i just can't seem to comprehend
myself,
who i am.
why i am...

so i wonder now,
do i deserve you?
you should not worry of if you deserve me...
i am not up to your standards as we would both like me to be...
i have flaws
but that's what makes us humane.
i just wish...
wish that it won't ever have to come to this...
and that we won't ever depart our ways...
my heart shatters to the slightest thought of so.

and if u question my heart,
yes i do have one
although u for sure have stolen it,
so maybe that is why i've
lost my way.
i must find it once again,
my dear,
please try to understand...

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